This removal is heavy. I can feel it locking up my system, the hallows and the pulling at the back of my eyes. On the way to work I let loose a gentle cry. It came brief, like the gurgle of a spring. Such an odd sensation, letting this all go. I expect I will return to these western mountains, and a break away will bring new light to the corners of my mind. Wise Mother, you’ve but no choice to guide me, in kindness, in reverence. Potent honesty, I must hold the boundaries as my body claims them. Soiled self can only permeate.
This week shall be tending, all energy towards the production of my art, of my love, of my soul, the parts of myself I would like to inhabit more… the soul of the child to come, and all the children of past blessed passage. I am at the precipice of a holy new chapter. I expect life to look very different after these next few months. Make it and let it be open, I trust the warm boughs of wind that shall churn up the valley, I trust the process of life itself, unfolding always, I the dust and the sun alike.
All the gears of people turning about, immense grief and joy like mirror dragons, soaring up my spine. My! the year to be had unlike anything I have dreamed witness of. To sunshine and full expression ahead, I am as ripe, simple, grand as an egg. My love, I wane away from our life together, create space for the learning and unlearning ahead and may we both come back together a unified source, hell-bent on the pursuit of Us, all the things this might hold.
I expect polarity soon. Expansions of my realms, feelings unbeknownst to my kindred soul more fragrant and bizarre than any form of past self could reckon. The loss of the comfort, of the known world around me. The confrontation of loves long past, of soul that has grown black. I am here, stripping myself. Naked faced to the sun and moon, let the pendulum revolve, stretch to the edge of mother and father, farther, and close close close again, oh I cannot wait to know myself like this.
There is a heaviness, every love in my life has spoken to this, lurking at the edge of our perception. I don’t sense the bane as they do, or perhaps I see just this – the discomfort and irrationality of all things to come. Opportunities as these to delve inward and to root, trust. Many people in my vicinity struggle here, I find. There is little virtue they are able to uncover in the muck, or attend to after the fact. The process of opening myself to all this information, all the direct messages my body sends, senses, submits to daily, it is as if I am a fresh, waking child. Sunlight still so foreign and potent as the face of God. To my brothers and sisters walking the earth, may your bodies too illuminate and bring forth abundance, as they are the key to our greatest truth.
Mind, the prestige, illness, Ego, unbridled power you hold. A product of my body, a simultaneous expression of my true form. I trust to be guided, trust the flow of the stream. In to the earth in the bellies of trees or down all the way to the ocean, there is no wrong, unintended part of the cycle. Let roots flourish, for the pangs in the wind have been impossible to ignore. My, with gratitude I move forward.
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